Having sex outside adds another layer of seduction. Being out in the open taps into your exhibitionist instincts. Oh, I bet you didn’t know you had those. Don’t judge, most of us do. We did, after all, propagate humankind in nature’s bedroom.
All that said, there’s a time and place for the lust and thrust. And seven feet shy of those unsuspecting boy scouts might not be the time. Or place.
We’ve all seen evidence of untamed love in the wild. You’re trekking through the woods, enjoying the sights of Mother Earth. What’s this you see? A pair of boy short panties hanging from a tree, swaying carefree in the breeze. Oh, that’s not all. The panties’ friendly companion, Used Condom, lying in a lifeless heap on the ground below.
A familiar scenario to all outdoor enthusiasts, no doubt. Surely in violation of the Leave No Trace principles. Tsk, tsk. Plus, there’s someone out there missing panties, suffering from unnecessary leakage.
Outdoor sex can be a mind-blowing experience between two (or three, or four) consenting adults. With some foresight, you can have your cake and eat it too, with consideration of your outdoor pals.
Here's how to feed the rapture in the wild, responsibly.
How to Have Amazing Outdoor Sex
The two things I know best are sex and the outdoors. As a former sex researcher and a current outdoor writer, this article combines my two first loves. Follow these steps to sensational outdoor sex, sans embarrassment or law enforcement.
1. Bring a blanket if you plan on doing the horizontal hula. Unless you like foreign objects lodged in random crevices. Sex on the beach sounds romantic but digging sand from your ass isn't. If you don't have a blanket, you can do the vertical tango against a tree, bush, or other large feature. Wrap yourselves around each other to avoid objects aiming for your holes.
2. Wear comfortable or easy-access clothing: skirts, shorts, tearaways, and soft fabrics. Help bring velcro back in style! The easier it is to remove from your supple body, the faster you can get down to business.
3. Be respectful of your neighbors. If you’re in a tent, turn off your lantern. That light illuminates everything. As difficult as it is, try to be quiet. The wholesome family next to you may not want to sleep to the sounds of your orgasmic lullaby. And if you're nowhere near people, use that lantern for some fun photo ops.
4. Stay at least 200 feet from trails, junctions, open spaces, outlooks, points of interests, or water. And private land; unless you’re near the Bundy residence. They just deserve it. Make sure you’re hidden- in a tent, bushes, or trees- which help muffle sounds too. Pick a spot that allows you to see someone coming before they see you. Getting arrested is a surefire mood killer.
5. Pay no mind to the critters and bugs. First of all, you probably imagined them. And if you do pick up a hitchhiker, they likely won’t stay long. Besides, can you blame them for wanting a little side action? You sexy thang, you.
6. Invest in a 2-person sleeping bag (or quilt). Trying to shove two people into a mummy bag is fine if you’re both small enough to join the circus. But most people have more fun with a little space to romp and roll.
7. Please don’t light the forest on fire. Sex by candlelight is super hot. But if you bring candles into a forest, you’re asking for trouble. The next best thing is a campfire. Put that thing out all the way unless you want a threesome with Smokey.
8. Be in the present. Stop worrying about the oven, or if you’ll get caught. You’re in it now. Strip your inhibitions like you stripped your base layer, this is where you’re meant to be! A wise philosopher once said, "You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals. So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."
9. Come prepared with supplies. Make room in your pack for condoms, lube, and toys. Think about wet wipes or sex rags. And you may want knee pads (amirite?) and food to rejuvenate you for round three. But don’t leave anything behind. Our little friend the latex condom has trouble decomposing. Go on, pull up a quick mental image of a cute little bear cub finding it and licking that delicious…. That’s it; you’ve got the idea. Pack it out.
10. Try again if it doesn’t work out this time. That’s the great thing about sex; you can do it more than once. Happy humping! :-)
Is there anything you would add to this list? Let us know in the comments.