Sex is great. We all love sex…. Right? Okay, most of us love sex.
That said, there’s a time and a place for the lust and thrust. 7 feet shy of that group of unsuspecting boy scouts over there might not be the best choice.
I’m sure we’ve all been there. You’re trekking through the woods, whistling the latest Jason Mraz tune to yourself, enjoying the sights. Suddenly, what’s this? A used pair of boy short panties hanging from a tree, swaying carefree in the breeze. Oh, and that’s not all. The panties’ friendly companion, Used Condom, in a lifeless heap on the ground below.
A familiar scenario to all, no doubt. Or maybe that was just me.
Surely this scene is in violation of the Leave No Trace principles. Tsk, tsk. Not to mention, there’s a poor woman out there suffering from unnecessary chafing.
But it doesn’t have to be like that. Having sex in the outdoors can be an exciting, gratifying bonding experience between two (or three, or four) people. With a little forethought you can have your cake, eat it too, and still maintain the consideration of your fellow outdoors folk.
So, here are some Do's and Don'ts for feeding the rapture, responsibly:
DO consider investing in a 2-person sleeping bag (or quilt). I mean, trying to shove two people into a mummy bag is fine if you’re both small enough to join a circus. But most people will have more fun with a little space to roll and romp.
DO wear comfortable or easy-access clothing. Skirts, shorts, and softer fabrics. Help bring velcro back in style! The easier it is to take off, the faster you can get down to business.
DO be respectful of your neighbors if you’re in close vicinity of others, in your tent. Turn off your lantern. You might not realize it but that light illuminates... everything. And, as difficult as it may be, try to be quiet. The family of four next to you might not be thrilled to hit the slumber at the sound of your orgasmic lullaby.
DO bring a blanket if you plan on doing the horizontal hula, unless you like foreign objects lodged in random crevices. If you don't have a blanket, you can do the vertical tango against a tree or large bush. Again, watch out for objects aiming for your crevices.
DON’T be so quick to avoid bad weather. Sex in the rain is sensual. Sex in the hail, maybe not. But rain, yeah buddy. Sex under the stars can also be romantic.
DON’T have sex anywhere near trails, junctions, open spaces, outlooks, points of interests, or bodies of water. Make sure you’re well hidden (in a tent, bushes, or trees, which also help muffle sounds). Pick a spot where you can see someone coming before they see you. Getting arrested is a surefire mood killer.
DON’T leave anything behind. Pack it out! Our little friend the latex condom can take weeks to decompose. Go on, pull up a quick mental image of a cute little bear cub finding it and…. That’s it, you’ve got the idea. Pack it out.
Happy humping! :-)
Is there anything you would add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
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